Welcome to McDonalds. I’m an idiot. How can I help you?
November 16, 2006I did something yesterday I NEVER do. In a week where I’ve been skipping lunch (and brekkie!) coz I’ve been soooo busy, I decided to grab some Maccas on the way home from a studio gig.
Now, I don’t go to the ‘Golden Arches’ often – and thus, I’m not aware of the approximately 5000 ways one may upsize, sidesize or otherwise a meal. Here’s what happened at the drive-thru.
Girl-who-never-paid-attention-at-school : Welcome to McDonalds. How can I help you?
Kez (me, this guy here) : Can I grab a Big Mac meal please?
Girl-who’s-parents-I’m-sure-are-proud : Sure. What size? Small, Medium or Large?
(Now, I DO know that burgers come in ONE size, and fries come in TWO sizes. So is she really asking me what size drink I want? Thus, I asked the following…)
Kez (now rueing the decision to eat this crap) : What changes?
Girl-whos-hoping-to-be-promoted-to-fries-chef : The Price.
Gee, ya don’t say. I bet every time your parents look at you, they cry a little inside and wish they’d blown the $20k per year at the casino rather than sending you to that ritzy private school.
Reminds me of when I got a 30 cm long hair in a Hungry Jacks burger. I actually rang them not to complain, but to let them know – so that they might DO something about it in future.
Chick-who-answered-phone-at Hungry-Jacks-Mona-Vale : Hello?
Guy (me) -who’s-now-no-longer-hungry : Hi. Can I speak to the manager please?
Newly-self-appointed-manager : That’s me.
Me : Hi. I was just there, and bought a couple of burgers at your drive thru. Ask me how I know you have a cook there with long blonde hair.
Girl-who-can’t-see-where-this-is-going : Er, I dunno. How?
Me : I know, because I just pulled a 30 centermetre long hair out of my Whopper. I’m not kidding. I’m not trying to kick up a stink or anything, but really – you should take a bit more care, ok?
Girl-who-thinks-big-brother-is-a-serious-documentary : (Laughs)
Me : No – look – I’m not joking. I know you’d expect me to be yelling at you, but really, I’ve got bigger issues to think about in my day. i just was so grossed out by this I thought I’d call you and tell you to make sure your staff takes a bit more care.
Girl : (Laughs more) Oh, OK. Do you want a couple of replacement burgers?
Me-wondering-why-I-bothered : (sigh) Are you kidding me??!?!? No. Thank you. That’s all – bye.
I was feeling my IQ drop every second I was on the phone to her. Argh. And Erika was there too – so I have proof this REALLY happened!
hahaha. Nice one Kez. im sure we can all relate to that story!! I got one for ya. I can’t spin it the way you do, but it was worth a giggle at the time. My mate and i in Westfield the other day. Walked into Cotton On Clothing Store. Straight away we copped a “HOW ARE YOU!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!”. My mate and i almost fell over from shock. I say, “GOOD THANKS HOW ARE YOU!?”, she say “WE HAVE 25…. Oh im good thanks.” [i exposed her prepared speach, she wasnt expeting me to ask her how she was! haha] she continued “WE HAVE 25% OFF EVERYTHING TODAY” and shoved a card in our hard. I laughed, noticing a beach towel swung around her neck looking very oddly place. As we started into the store i say “HAHA! NICE TOWEL” the response i get “OH, THANKS! THEY ARE ON SALE TOO”. Me and my mate are laughing quite hard at this stage. We get half way into the store, and notice that the store is FILL WITH PEOPLE (who work there) haha. Another dude come up with a towel on this shoulder. “How are you guys today” to which i respond simple with “NICE TOWEL MATE!” to which my mate and i cracked up laughing.
ok so not very funny. but it was funny. Morel of the story. There has to be 1. A better way of selling towels and 2. If you own a clothing store make sure ur staff looks to see who has already asked a customer how they they, so customers dont risk getting asked = x times the amount of people working in the store!
Morel Number 3. Always check spelling and grammar before posting a comment otherwise it ends up like the one i just posted (a Kazakhstanian Tourist!)
Yeah I can mega relate too! I am a customer service representative and I have lots of fun with customers! Yes, yes! Most customers themselves are flat out morons but some are genuine and polite. I always give great customer service no matter who it is that I am serving. But recently, all that bottled up anger and frustration is starting to come out. So technically I am now a psychopath, twitching nervously away whilst serving another cadaver of a customer. The polite question “Would you like a b-b-b-bloody body bag for that???” is a favourite of mine. When signing their credit card receipts, customers run the gauntlet of being stabbed in the eye with said pen, by me. Especially when they are on their phone chatting away to a nobody about which one of their friends farts smell better after they ate a cooked tin of spaghetti. At least I imagine that is what they would talk about.
The most irritating customers are the ones that think they are all high and mighty because they are business men or lawyers or some wank job. They don’t say Hello, or thank you, or goodbye. They just throw their pussy mags on the counter and then proceed to push money into my face. “Great!!!!!! [Looking angry but laughing psychotically under breathe] Here is $10.65 change! Would you like another pornographic magazine to compliment your business archive? Oh I’m sorry, I feel sympathetic, for your wife probably hates you because you are a workaholic sleaze and hence doesn’t give you any because you ignore her. I’ll give you a discount on Penthouse then.”
I mean, when you got hair and other body parts in your food, that is bad customer service. But sometimes (if not all the time) customers themselves are ungrateful and spoiled and always get a thumb up their exit hole by us customer service people. Have a nice day!! [waving lovingly to the departing customer as a tear drops down my cheek].
-Pat
HAHAHAHAHA!!! EXIT HOLE!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!
I thoroughly enjoyed your comments on McDonald’s et al. It’s frightning to think that these employees will, one day, graduate from the school of “I don’t give a shit” to work amongst us in the real world. Thankfully, some of them will choose Rotten Ronnie’s and other such companies as a career, thus saving us from the disturbing prospect of having to guide them through their day at the workplace every day.
do you want stupidty with that?
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